You would think that after he worked so hard to get where he is, a new job, paid of all of his debt to the court, got his drivers license, a new truck and was responsible enough to obtain auto insurance that he would take his new found responsibility seriously. Who would have thought that in a matter of just 2 days he would relapse, go on a 3 day binge, lose his job, etc.? Certainly not me or the rest of the family…..seeing how excited he was over his accomplishments we knew he was in a great place mentally, emotionally, physically and we were sure he was going to take this new found responsibility seriously.
Well, we were wrong as usual…I guess we haven’t learned our lesson and we still have those “hopes and dreams” for him.
We haven’t seen him in days….he does come home but very late and we are already in bed since we have to work and little Maxwell has to stay on somewhat of a schedule since he has school and sport activities after school.
Jeffrey comes and goes as he pleases, eating the food we provide, showering, doing his laundry-leaving it for days in either machine, leaving his bedroom and bathroom disgusting with dirty clothes, dishes, etc. We are very particular about the cleanliness and order of our home, so when we do come home after working all day and have this to deal with day after day, it takes a toll on a person. My husband has always been the strong one keeping it together for the both of us but recently I can see that he is wearing down and quickly. Of course, I know I need to do something, but what. What can I do to make myself happy and strong when my mind is overwhelmed with a teenage son that I’ve lost all hope for (and feel guilty as hell).
Do we ask him to leave and find another place to stay? Wherever he chose to stay would be an unhealthy environment for him and he would begin using even more.
This is where I wish there was a book of answers to help us make the right decisions. Everyone says, “you need to talk to someone”. Well, I have plenty of support and I have talked for nearly 5 years now. I’m all talked out…..I feel like a broken record and talking doesn’t help me feel better.
I can barely look at Jeffrey anymore, I’m so frustrated with him, I’m hurt, I know my husband is hurting, but we try to cover all of our feelings up so we don’t give Jeffrey another reason/excuse to go out and use or get high.
We try to hide how broken we are for Maxwell’s sake, but how much longer can we go on like this?