Family, Kids, Love, Teenagers, Health, Anxiety, Life,  Teenage Drug Abuse and Addiction

The Relapse….is it time for us to give up on him?

You would think that after he worked so hard to get where he is, a new job, paid of all of his debt to the court, got his drivers license, a new truck and was responsible enough to obtain auto insurance that he would take his new found responsibility seriously.  Who would have thought that in a matter of just 2 days he would relapse, go on a 3 day binge, lose his job, etc.?  Certainly not me or the rest of the family…..seeing how excited he was over his accomplishments we knew he was in a great place mentally, emotionally, physically and we were sure he was going to take this new found responsibility seriously.

Well, we were wrong as usual…I guess we haven’t learned our lesson and we still have those “hopes and dreams” for him.

We haven’t seen him in days….he does come home but very late and we are already in bed since we have to work and little Maxwell has to stay on somewhat of a schedule since he has school and sport activities after school.

Jeffrey comes and goes as he pleases, eating the food we provide, showering, doing his laundry-leaving it for days in either machine, leaving his bedroom and bathroom disgusting with dirty clothes, dishes, etc.  We are very particular about the cleanliness and order of our home, so when we do come home after working all day and  have this to deal with day after day, it takes a toll on a person.  My husband has always been the strong one keeping it together for the both of us but recently I can see that he is wearing down and quickly.  Of course, I know I need to do something, but what.  What can I do to make myself happy and strong when my mind is overwhelmed with a teenage son that I’ve lost all hope for (and feel guilty as hell).

Do we ask him to leave and find another place to stay?  Wherever he chose to stay would be an unhealthy environment for him and he would begin using even more.

This is where I wish there was a book of answers to help us make the right decisions.  Everyone says, “you need to talk to someone”.  Well, I have plenty of support and I have talked for nearly 5 years now.  I’m all talked out…..I feel like a broken record and talking doesn’t help me feel better.

I can barely look at Jeffrey anymore, I’m so frustrated with him, I’m hurt, I know my husband is hurting, but we try to cover all of our feelings up so we don’t give Jeffrey another reason/excuse to go out and use or get high.

We try to hide how broken we are for Maxwell’s sake, but how much longer can we go on like this?

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My Whole Heart|My Kids ♥ Fee, Jeffrey & Maxwell ♥

 

 

 

I'm a Forty year old mom of 3. Ages 25, 18 & 5......AND, no...that wasn't a typo! I am married to the most amazing man on this earth and consider myself quite the lucky gal! I dislike the cold weather yet we live in the Midwest, I prefer the hot humid triple degree weather in the summer. My favorite things to do aside from spending time laughing with my family is mostly summer activities; stand up paddle boarding, fishing, attempting crafty projects, sewing and new adventures. We have 1 dog & 2 cats and yep, we're a little nuts!!

6 Comments

  • Cathy Roberts

    I don’t have any answers for you. All I can say is that I have been there. I am there. I have a 21 year old son in rehab, doing wonderfully, and a missing 16 year old daughter who’s been to rehab twice. I’m 41 by the way 🙂 We have that 40’s thing in common too! I have 5 kids in total :).

    Keep your head momma.

    • operationmommaonamission.com

      Thank you. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this times 2. I cannot even imagine the pain and emotions you are going through. I’ll be thinking of you and your family. 💗💙

  • Amanda

    I have not (and pray I never will) been through this as a mother, but I was put in a position of responsibility over a few of my siblings and was helpless to stop them when two of them chose a very similar path. I saw it take a toll on my parents when I was young, and now that we’re all adults–and they are still making these choices (using, abandoning their kids, abusing the help offered to them) it goes beyond heartbreaking and edges into maddening.

    I think the part in your blog that hit me the hardest was when you said you’re “all talked out.” I can only imagine. Every person offering you well-meaning advice and words full of care still ends up leaving you with the burden of action and choice. You have developed some strong shoulders. And such a strong heart and iron will. Keeping your eyes up and your care for Maxwell as your true north is probably the only thing you can do.

    I wish there was a magic formula that offered you an answer for where the line was drawn between love and enablement. Or a manual that told you when you have done all you can and everything else was up to him. Or instructions that walked you through how to walk away from your own child after years of holding him up. But…like you said, there isn’t.

    I don’t have words, but I do have ears and they’re here for you if you ever need them.

    • operationmommaonamission.com

      For the first time these words (your words) have hit me in a place no one else’s have. It’s almost as if you took the feelings straight from my heart and put them into these words. This was extremely kind of you and I thank you for this. I will come back to this comment often for encouragement and hope.

  • Emily

    Speaking as an addict, you must do the hard thing. It may make all the difference in the world, or it may make no difference at all. You have to do it for you. But either way, if you’re supporting him by giving him a roof over his head and food to eat, he has no reason to quit.

    It isn’t a moral deficiency on his part. He needs help. But you don’t have the tools to help him. You need to take care of you. Support him as long as he’s earned your support. But enabling his addiction will kill him.

    Good luck & God bless ❤

  • M.Bleu

    I am Jeffrey. I’m not proud of it. I have to own who I am and who I have hurt. My parents after years of heartache finally released me into the world to figure things out. I struggled and honestly still do. I rekindled a relationship with my parents when my son was born. I don’t know the answer to any of the questions routinely asked. I don’t know why I do it. I don’t know why I can’t look at my son and that be enough to quit. I am broken. I will say I have survived and grown stronger. You son is looking for something you and your husband can’t give him. Never give up on him but let him go down the path he has chosen. When he asks for help stay strong and don’t crumble. I am not trying to tell you what to do. I don’t even know how to handle my own life. But I do know how we think. If I could have a place to rest my head, wash clothes and food…I don’t have anything to worry about except my next hit. You ponder spending your last $10 on drugs when you have no food. You ponder where can I sleep and be safe. You have more to think about than just getting high.
    I would never tell you what to do with your own family. I just want you to know from someone that is Jeffrey…things can change. Jeffrey will only change when he is ready no matter what you do. Protect your heart and your family. Jeffrey will return. He will be okay. He will find his path. You can have faith without supporting his lifestyle.
    Good luck and I am here if you every want to ask me anything. I am a mom now and understand what I put my parents through. Hoping I don’t reap what I sow.

    -MBleu

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